Aging is when…

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
You feel like the night after and you haven’t been anywhere yet!
You get winded playing chess.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.
After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
You just can’t stand people who are intolerant.
The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
You burn the midnight oil until 9pm.
Your back goes out more often than you do.
The little gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercised.
You remember today that your wedding anniversary was yesterday.
You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

Thought you’d enjoy this!! Have a simply marvelous day!

~Kat and the Kids

They’re back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

Have a blessed day!

Kat and the kids!

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race and it won again.

The local paper read:
Pastor’s ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES Pastor’s ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

Kat & the kids

PS try to stay cool in this super hot weather and never leave your pet or children unattended in a car with the windows up.

Norad Santa Tracker

Its that time of year again… Norad has been using the Santa Tracker system to follow his progress across the globe.   Now you too can follow his journey across the globe as he drops off presents for good boys and girls all over the globe.

So click on the above link and see how soon Santa will visit you!

Merry Christmas to one and all!!!

Love,

Kat and the Kids!

NORAD is tracking Santa across the globe, following his progress as he flies from country to country spreading Christmas Joy to the billions who believe in him.

Being a firm believer in Santa myself, I’ve been following his flight closely along with my family to monitor when he will be making his appearance in Seattle, WA (yes, I am home for the holidays, having left the warmth of Southern California, for the cold and rain of Seattle) 

I remember as a child having another little girl on our block tell me that there is no such thing as Santa… armed with this new information, I raced home to confront my mother. 

“Mom” I said, “She told me there is no such thing as Santa” I was totally heartbroken, until my mother said in response.  “Well, Kat, Santa is real but only for those who believe, so unless you believe with all your might he won’t come for you.”  and I must say at the ripe old age of 38, I BELIEVE!!!

Corny but true.

So enjoy following Santas progess because, I to will be doing the same.  Waiting on baited breath for Santa to land upon the roof reindeer and all!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a GREAT NIGHT!!!

Happy Holidays!

Kat and the kids (Tori, Cera and Ace)

Ok so I’m a total dork.  I love this holiday card, created by Joshua Held out of the UK.  You’ll find a Singing Santa along with 4 of his vocally talented reindeer singing the oldie ‘White Christmas’

 You can view this card here “Santa Sings” 

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

 Love,

Kat and the kids (Ace, Tori and Cera)